We are a society focussed on raising strong independent girls – and this I fully support and practice this whole heartedly. But what about our boys?
The dynamics of the world are changing , it’s a rise of “girl power”, as a result beautiful boys are being raised in a world of strong independent women. We should still be promoting and focusing on raising boys, by promoting the same independence and self worth… in order to know they’re equally beautiful in every way, just the same as our girls.
Gender inequality is a debate me and Terry discuss often and although I hate to say it sometimes, Terry raises some good points, that we are raising a very strong generation of women, but at what point does a gender equality switch and society notice that we are neglecting the importance of our boys. Are they equipped with the emotional resilience to “cope” with this generation of strong minded women?
One situation this really hit home was when Scotty was about 7 months old and we were attending one of our many baby classes. Scotty was playing alongside another baby girl of similar age and he reached out for a toy that the baby girl was playing with, the little girl grabbed the toy and her Mum said “good girl don’t you be pushed around by a ‘boy’”. Now this comment I’m sure wasn’t meant in any other way but in encouragement for her little girl, and a comment that I would have probably said to Layla at a similar age. But as a Mother of a sensitive boy it struck a nerve. A nerve that most Mothers have of defence and protection for their beautiful bundle of joy, who is absolute perfection in their eyes. My poor little boy, labelled at a young age as someone that needs to be stood up to already as though he was a predator.
This is the indirect view, that most of society now portray. We develop these gender differences from a young age and although we mean well, WE create these gender normalities that we constantly battle.
We do this without even knowing, with passing comments or neglecting that the self love we preach for our girls needs to be reflected in our parenting for our boys as well.
I am so proud of the independent and resilient girls we are bringing up and proud of the change that we have influenced in society, but let’s remember at the end of the day our fight is for equality. Our little boys that are growing up today will grow up with great values and respect for women so let’s respect this and offer them the same level of support, with recognising their own self values and protecting their emotional wellbeing.
Dreaming back to our wedding…I thought I best write a blog that documented our Vegas wedding… it wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea but for us it was just perfect. The last bit of celebration was at the weekend when our friends and family came together for a relaxed ‘day do’ with buffet and bouncy castle. It meant such a lot that people gave their time to come and join us to celebrate. I’m now sitting here reflecting on what an incredible experience we have had!
Vegas is insane, a totally out of this world place, that presented us the perfect situation to get married in.
Our wedding itself was so simple and intimate with just me and Terry and the kids. We had planned the package and changed a few details to make the day personal to us.
We started the day getting a taxi to collect the marriage license from the registry office in Nevada. Stopping on the way back for a cheeky McDonald’s- has to be done! We then got ready whilst enjoying a couple of drinks at the hotel. I had the luxury of getting my hair and makeup done. “Airbrush makeup” for special occasions that no kidding was literally airbrushed on! But it covered my tired eyes extremely well! Terry, bless him decided last minute he needed a haircut, so had to cart the kids to the next door hotel to juggle that- hey it is usually me that has that juggle!!
We were then collected by a limo from outside the hotel,
everyone was so lovely wishing us well and commenting on my dress… and
Layla’s dress!
The ceremony itself was short and sweet but it was performed so personally for us. I literally would not change it at all (see link for video of ceremony). Layla loved dancing down the aisle and being part of the ceremony. The wedding meant as much to her as it did for me and Terry. Following the ceremony, we were taken into a room to view our photos. After some lovely offers for additional photos, the wedding coordinator seemed to realise she wouldn’t be getting any extra money out of us and threw some extra pictures into the package to stop us ‘umming and ahhing’ anymore.
Once we had paid all our tips to each relevant person and said our thanks we got a lovely limo ride back to the hotel singing and dancing in the back and just generally goofing around together.
Once back to the hotel we picked a burger joint to eat at… the staff were lovely and made Layla a celebratory “cocktail” aka pineapple juice! We enjoyed burgers, a couple of cheeky drinks and a complementary humongous chocolate desert that was finished by straw. Following that I was desperate to get my dress off I had planned on staying in it all day, but we abandoned that idea to put comfier clothes on (except Layla who “had to” stay in her dress).
We then went to explore the Vegas strip, we walked to the Bellagio fountains and watched the display and Terry went to gamble our $20 that my sister and husband had gifted to us to put on red- we won!! Doubled our money in-fact! It must have been a lucky day!
We walked for hours soaking up the atmosphere and enjoying the time together. Layla was shattered and ended up sitting in the pushchair- bless her and Scotty snuggled up to sleep in the sling.
We then went back to watch the ceremony video online that our family and friends had been able to view live at the time of the wedding. After much searching (seriously a lot of searching!) we found it saved under the wedding of Justina and Merrill… much to our amusement!
Like I said it isn’t the traditional way to spend your wedding day but it’s a day that will stay with me forever and I felt overwhelmed with emotions that day.
Our ‘honeymoon’ was spent in LA where we had 2 days in Disney California. This was magical and honestly topped the whole adventure off perfectly. Layla had the most amazing time with magical experiences one after each other. I think I could write a book with all that we did on our little adventure. Anyone who’s friends with me on social media was spammed daily with pictures…I could not get enough of watching our children explore and enjoy a holiday of a lifetime!
The icing on the cake was the party we had last weekend that allowed us the time to celebrate with family and friends. After again much ‘umming and ahhing’ and general ‘Tash stressyness’ I decided to wear my dress again, so we went in our wedding clothes allowing for those who had desperately wanted to share the actual wedding day with us the chance to see us dressed up! (and my mum and sister who had spent a lot of time talking and shopping dresses with me a chance to see the dress that I finally had settled with! – (that’s a whole other story!).
We are now totally weddin’ out and ready to settle into
married life- because it’s obviously so much different now were are married!
The marriage certificate has been ordered so soon I can start the process of changing my name to the same as Terry, Layla and Scotty- this literally means the world to me, silly as it may sound!
We are so grateful to our wonderful family and friends who have supported us and helped us have our Wedding as “ours” in an incredibly special way! 💕
What I have learnt so far about travelling internationally with young children;
1. You think your prepared – you are not! You need to be prepared for literally anything! I was so worried about keeping my son happy for the flight and not being “the one with the baby that screamed the whole way”. I actually felt quite smug when we got off the plane in New York after a reasonably stress free flight. Queue next challenge on zero sleep. The longest queue in history for customs… seriously I’ve never seen a queue quite as long… Layla started crying saying she had a headache – instantly the smugness disappeared and was replaced by dread – oh god she’s going to be sick. There was no where we could go without leaving the ‘longest queue in history’ – so I asked Terry for a blanket, thinking I could catch the sick in that. Anyway to cut a very long tearful, and anxiety filled story shorter – the sickness arrived – everywhere! All over the floor, me, Scotty (who was in the sling) Terry and Layla, and probably some people standing next to us in the line (I didn’t stop to check!) basically it was everywhere!
2. People don’t like sick! No one helps you or wants to come near you when sick is involved. I get this, no one wants to have a sickness bug. One lovely lady who obviously identified or pitied me in some way came and gave us one of those bags you get in the plane that I promptly ripped trying to open it to catch the next hurl. We eventually found a member of staff to inform about ‘the sick’ and to beg if he would let us jump the queue so we didn’t get anymore sick anywhere. I’m not sure the he understood totally, but he seemed to take pity on us stood there in a disheveled mess and we were allowed to jump the queue – Thank god!
3. I’m not sure if it was because we jumped the queue, or my over tired, anxiety filled state or the reason they gave us; that I had a common name! (seriously). I was then called into a police station style place for additional security checks (actually not sure where I went – you can see where my head was at!). So I sat there covered in sick breast feeding my screaming baby whilst poor Terry and Layla (also still covered in sick) sat in the customs area unsure of what was happening. Anyway whatever they were checking I was deemed as ok to pass into the USA.
4. We then went to baggage collection, and yes you literally could not write this… after a good long period of searching for our bags on an almost empty carousel. We were informed by a member of staff that some of our luggage had not been put on the connecting flight. I don’t know how me and Terry kept it together but somehow we did!
5. Children do not adapt to time differences – well my children anyway! Be prepared for no sleep! Cartoons at 2am… walking the halls at 3am… tag teams… and if your breast feeding that newborn feeling again.
Setting this fun aside…our trip has been amazing – full of incredible experiences that me and Terry are spamming social media with! We have met some lovely kind people along the way, and these little challenges just add to it ‘character building’ some would say.
Tonight we fly to Vegas….our hand luggage is packed full of bags (to catch sick!) and changes of clothes. The pushchair is coming with us to the plane, we are not losing that again. Sweets have been purchased for take off and landing and dairy free snacks will be packed for Layla.
Wish us luck… (and any advice from your own lessons learnt) …Next stop Vegas baby!
Disclaimer- I will blog about things that does not involve sickness soon. My life is not just full of sick! Honest.
The dreaded sickness bug has hit our household. My poor little boy has been hit hard by it. Last night I sat up in bed surrounded in towels (a little trick that another Mama shared with me) awaiting the next sickness episode.
The hours tick by slowly, whilst I wait for the telltale coughing (pre vomit) of the little one lying in my arms. In order to keep my spirits up through the early hours I watched re-runs of Friends episodes on Netflix, that I must have seen a hundred times, but near fails in making me chuckle inside. A couple of times, I manage to snuggle down for 20 minutes to be awoken by the either the whimper of the little one snuggled close to me, or from the shout of “mummy I’ve had a bad dream” from my bigger one in the room next door.
There are times I could have cried through shear exhaustion, but as soon as I hear the whimpers or shouts, my own needs become non existent. I mean that in the nicest sense, the internal plea for sleep just disappears and I become totally and whole heartedly there for my children.
Those nights are hard and very lonely. The internal battle at 3am-‘should I wake my other half?’ ‘This is getting worse, should he be seen by a doctor?’ ‘Should I be more worried than I am?’ And so on…
The ‘mum’ guilt is endless, as I realise that there is no way I will be able to go and see the big ones celebration assembly in the morning. I booked the day off work especially so that I could go and watch it, and she’s been excited for weeks. I know she will be disappointed and that breaks my heart, but she is also resilient and caring; I know that although she will be upset, she will understand and be worried for her little brother.
The picture below, I asked to be taken last night- I sat there surrounded by towels, with a pile covered in sick ready to go straight into the washing machine for the next round by my feet. My hair scrapped away to try and avoid and splatter. I would normally avoid having pictures in situations like this, for obvious reasons! But this is the true concept of motherhood, the moments we don’t usually capture, why would we? Why would we want to remember these types of nights, but these are the nights you feel that full pang of attachment so much it aches. The nights that your needs are way, way down the bottom of the pile, but you don’t even care. These are the nights we doubt our decisions and then seconds later, know that what we are doing is right… the nights that are devoted fully to the needs of our children, with no thoughts for anything else. These nights can be long…
*I was not abandoned by my partner, he supported me wholeheartedly.
Family life can be tough and honestly when you hit problems, it can feel like it will break you – luckily, love has a way of keeping you going.
Back from school is an over tired, hungry and oh god so grumpy daughter…
We had back and forth discussions about how we are going to practice today’s spellings. After a couple of occasions of crocodile tears and failed attempts, we decide that maybe spellings can wait. She is very much like me and gets ‘hangry’!
As busy parents it’s so easy to become ‘task focused’ and let these tasks engulf our precious time with our children.
Once we both soften, and the pressure is gone, my little girl is there with her gorgeous nature for all to see. Gone are the tantrums and left is a tired loving 5 year old snuggling up to her mummy. That snuggle is all we both need.
Family Life with the muddy splashes 